fell too hard

so i fell too hard for this straight girl. yeah, straight. i first noticed her my sophmore year of highschool. and you know, i admired her beauty and natural talent. so i kinda followed her around like a puppy. and she didnt really notice, but when she did i was esctatic. then junior year i really started to fall for her. i fell asleep thinking of her, i woke up from dreams about her, and day dreamed about her.

i always fantasized about kissing her...it was starting to get pathetic though i didnt realize it at the time. i tried to talk to her, but was too intimidated to say much, so i resorted to texting. i knew she always had her phone but she somehow found a way to ignore me. and that just made me want her more-something about an impossiblity.

so i went on pining after her, and my friends started to get annoyed with my complaining. then a crazy idea popped into my head the summer inbetween junior and senior year. why not tell her? almost immediately i shot it down, but it kept creeping into my head whispering encouragement to tell her. and eventually i kept toying with it, and making up fake plans. i started talking about it outloud and then the plans became more real. i knew i couldnt face her when i told her, so i resorted to a note. ihad written out what i wanted to say so often the note took care of itself, but when to tell her?

eventually i just kept the note with me at all times. i decided to tell her six months after i came out to her, which i doubt she noticed the date. so i dropped it off in her hands and took off as fast as my legs would carry me. and she said it was fine, but then she started ignoring me. and just blocked me off. i thought whatever since i wont see you next year, but she kept fucking showing up. that was the worst because when she was around it was like i didnt exist. my friends were sympathetic but tiring of my constant bickering. she eventually just dropped off the radar, and i tried to let her go. it took till my senior year to get over her. three years. i fell too fucking hard. i never want to come close to that for a straight girl ever ever ever EVER again. the end.